when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
