You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize