Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
