the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
