And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
