i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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