Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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