So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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