Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
