went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
