I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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