I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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