is your mom at the bar?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We were destined to go to rehab together
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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