i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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