Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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