bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
