Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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