Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Randomize
