He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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