If that was your dad, he is hot
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
