I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
