Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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