did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize