I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
