i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
