Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
