i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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