after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
