need another drink. this is the easiest way
You work out of a Hotel?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
