if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
