At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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