A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she peed on how many people?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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