I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
