Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
