I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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