Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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