he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
