considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i think im in europe. pls send help
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
we should paint friendship bongs
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
