ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
