I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
