Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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