I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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