Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
