Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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