see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize