I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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