he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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