I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
