My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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