There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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