So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
this boner is exhausting
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
