dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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