Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize