the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize