he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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