just tell him i said nine months
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
