Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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