You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize