I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
