new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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