You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
