Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
