Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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