Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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