do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
