Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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